End of Conversation

The list of sociological 'Rules' for interacting with other people could very well outstrip the number of words in the English language.

As someone who has arrived far past fashionably late to successful human interaction, I've been able to see accepted social norms from an outside perspective. I've found that behaving in a socially enjoyable way is not just a checklist, or habit, or a skill set, but a finely-tuned, well-trained frame of mind bordering on psychic interpretation.

For this subject specifically, there seems to be the most mysterious ability possessed by those who are at least moderately socially apt, and that is the ability to know when a conversation has reached a comfortable end.

The Feeling 

From my own experience, and from talking with others, knowing when a conversation is over manifests in the form of an unspoken physical feeling. Even more impressive, is that both conversational partners, if sensitive to it, feel it at exactly the same time.

The impression is as unique and indescribable as any other feeling, and it doesn't feel similar to any other feeling I've ever experienced. It seems to happen with very little warning, and as far as I can tell, all it does is let you know that the conversation is over.

It's strange to me that this feeling is so commonly accepted, that both parties never directly acknowledge it; rather, if one party wishes to continue conversing, it manifests in the form of suggesting a change of scenery, almost like putting another quarter in the social arcade machine.

The Have-Nots

From my experience, this feeling is so universally accepted that it comes as a surprise to others when someone has no idea that it exists. In truth, these people are actually a sizable statistic, and will readily suffer social stigma as a result. These people don't get tired of conversation, and when given the chance, will spend the better part of a day with someone.

The worst part is that this behavior will drive others away from them, and they'll likely not be told what they did to cause the resulting rift. With such limited exposure to others, it becomes fantastically difficult to gain these sorts of cues.

Exemptions

Where would a social rule be without exceptions? From my experience, this rule doesn't apply when it comes to children, couples, siblings, and most forms of chatting online.This can, in part, explain why someone could have great relationships in all of the above scenarios, and yet have no friends. Terrible, huh?

Mindfulness

Reference Post

You're not here right now. More accurately, the location of your body and your mind are highly unlikely to be occupying the same space at the moment.

Your mind may be somewhere in the future, attempting to assess and prepare for what's approaching; it may also be in the past, reflecting on our choices and our interactions. But it is very unlikely that our minds are anywhere in the present.

The Present

It's surprisingly difficult to be in the present, especially when the present is boring. But that's where everything is actually happening. Are you even aware of the feel of your clothing on your body? The way you're sitting? How many different colors do you see? How many different sounds are you hearing? Are you in the present at all?

Time brings experience, experience brings regret, regret brings fear, and both fear and regret are painful emotions. It's base instinct to avoid pain; so it makes sense that one would look to the past to mold the future, all to avoid pain. We may look forward or backward for many other reasons: we may reflect fondly on yesterday, and excitedly on tomorrow, but ultimately we lose our present. Losing ourselves needlessly in the coming and going is a powerful blinding force, for when we do so, it's as if our whole bodies dull, and our senses blur.

Look around. Listen. Stop thinking about things that aren't there with you, all of them. What do you feel?

Preconception

So by the time you get to the end of this sentence, will you know the total number of words in it? Or do you have to go back and count? Did you count the number of letters? If you were to close your eyes and point in a completely random direction, then open your eyes, could you explain to yourself what you were pointing at without using any words?

People are fantastic at giving things names. We also love to create and use symbols in order to communicate ideas. Eventually, as if by a miracle, we stop looking at things or symbols, and see them as an amalgamation of concepts. Why do we do this? Because it's so much easier on the brain to slap a single label on what our eyes take in, than to have to send every moment through a gauntlet of thorough observation. The number of letters you read, the specific shapes of them, the number of words, the order of the letters in the words: all of these are lost to the reader in lieu of the concepts each word represents.

So what happens when you stop looking at something the way your brain has decided to look at it, and thoroughly try to see it for what it is, instead of what you've decided it should be?

Practicality

The ability to see the world afresh can do wonders for one's perception. When we see everyday objects and refuse to think that's all they can be, invention and innovation can follow. When we see people who are unlike us, and we observe their behavior for what it is, instead of comparing it to our own approaches, deeper understanding can be yielded for a spectrum of benefits.

Of course, there's no good reason to outright abolish preconceived thought. Not everything needs thorough observation all the time. You don't need to know everything about the cars around you to react accordingly to their presences.

But there's a reason why they say you should stop and smell the roses.

Hating the Unobtainable

People want things; it's human nature. We're often told if there's something we really want, that we should work hard towards getting it, and that will miraculously grant our wish.

The truth of the matter, of course, is that not all things a person wants are able to be worked for, or paid for, or gained through any reasonable means. There are a variety of ways to cope with this kind of disappointment and denial. Some people change their goals, some seek the next best thing, and others abandon their hopes completely. Yet no matter the means taken to cope, there is often room for enmity. We often come to hate what we cannot have.

Powerlessness

The feeling of powerlessness is an interesting emotion. It doesn't do much by itself, but is often the catalyst for very volatile emotions to follow.

The negative reaction is only natural, as feeling powerless can generate immense discomfort. So we are often inclined to lash out at what caused these negative feelings, even if it is something we desperately wanted. What's worse, is that the more dearly we desire it, and the more powerless we are to change it, the more thoroughly we find ourselves loathing whatever it was we wanted.

Bitterness

The brain is built to try and link any given thought or memory with anything remotely related to it. When there are very strong emotions attached, the brain will often broaden its scope and create stronger connections. It seems cruel, then, that the strong emotions caused by an instance of powerlessness can poison nearly everything surrounding it.

Anything that reminds us our disappointment can become loathed in turn, from objects to people. If we have been denied love, we may come to loathe those who are happily together; if we have been denied success, we may find ourselves cursing those who are living their dreams.

Overcoming and eliminating all of this spite can be a difficult and unrewarding road, because no matter what you do, you're still ultimately denied what you want. It comes down to trying to isolate the bitter disappointments to one instance, and to sever the ties that they've created; It comes down to deciding that you don't want to feel these painful feelings anymore.

Or, who knows, it might come down to fortune choosing to favor you, but I wouldn't get my hopes up.